@robinhanson "no I'm not upset" can also translate to "No, I'm trying to hold it together here but if you make me talk about it I'm likely to start crying and saying things I'll regret"
@robinhanson In lieu of that question, college bf would offer to get me a chocolate milkshake... By unspoken custom, I'd reciprocate with a calm explanation of what was bothering me. It was a good system- show concern without guessing at the issue while also improving mood via chocolate.