feeling very depressed and alone, in a strange way... there are people who chat with me but I feel tension about each of them, that either they want something from me or their life is so dramatic & their entire focus so I can't go to them for listening / support... or some I don't know that well or feel enough rapport, like it'd be a struggle to connect... and then other people I've had interactions with that ended with me sending multiple messages and them not responding and I feel like I messed up w intensity / not being patient to wait for them to reply to a single message / by being self-centered instead of focused on them... it feels awkward because nothing went wrong exactly but I feel I can't talk to them unless they initiate... there are several people I've met up with irl once and then they became distant and I'm not sure if I did something wrong or just wasn't as cool or attractive as they wanted me to be... overall I feel like I want to take attention rather than give it; I don't feel there's anyone willing to do that with me; and it's not anyone's fault if they don't want to, but I'm confused how I've spent so much time & energy socializing to still feel so alone