@bobz44 @sidewayskoyote yeah sigh, so my mental context here is first relationship which was w a much less intelligent guy who was abusive... he'd get angry w me if I'd try to offer useful information ("umm i think that restaurant is closed on sunday" or "umm your friend owes you $12 for the lottery tickets minus the drink") but also angry if things didn't work out and i admitted to having known and said nothing.... i learned to play very dumb and confused to avoid bruises, but violence and deception is the opposite of a good relationship