@bayeslord oh also there's some twisted thing where there's a hierarchy of attainments and ppl deeply want them & fawn over those higher up the path & yet at the same time deny desiring anything bec tanha is low status... gives me ick, echos of dating men who deny their desire
@bayeslord something about reacting to unsatisfied desires by trying to turn off the desire rather than go after what you want... like, learned helplessness vibes idk
@bayeslord but also maybe this is me reacting to what I personally need vs don't - like, i need more embodiment & pragmatism, more focused drive, not more lounging around feeling loving