pretty clearly comes from traumatic abusive relationship where i developed a strong fawn response- learned a habit of preoccupied awareness of my partner's mood and needs so i could anticipate and avoid setting off abuse
had a realization yesterday abt a major factor in demise of my recent relationship- that i was doing this subconscious hyper vigilance monitoring of my partner most all the time while home together...
but it is an exhausting and frustrating habit, particularly when your sleep schedules aren't synced- i'd keep waking up not really knowing why i couldn't sleep but feeling like i needed to hover around bf, ig looking for some sign things were ok and i could relax