had a realization yesterday abt a major factor in demise of my recent relationship- that i was doing this subconscious hyper vigilance monitoring of my partner most all the time while home together...

but it is an exhausting and frustrating habit, particularly when your sleep schedules aren't synced- i'd keep waking up not really knowing why i couldn't sleep but feeling like i needed to hover around bf, ig looking for some sign things were ok and i could relax

idk if just realizing that subconscious tension is there, and that it is exhausting me and is unnecessary and i don't want to do it, is enough to stop? i've had relationships where i didn't do this, at least not so much.... 🤔

oh and tbc current partner hadn't done anything wrong or given me any reason to be so on edge.... i mean idk maybe contributing to it somehow in some subtle way, but really pls don't blame him for long ago trauma