and it may seem just cute n silly but receiving money as gifts makes me feel a lot of mixed emotions... both joyful feeling cared for and like maybe i could relax into it? and also anxious "no you need to be independent!" from my upbringing and also twist of guilt about whether i…
and like maybe i don't really *need* it financially but otoh exploring the emotions is good ... esp because i think i play out my parents when i'm on the other side of it, giving but w a lot of judgement & like "you should be independent" vibes