and like maybe i don't really *need* it financially but otoh exploring the emotions is good ... esp because i think i play out my parents when i'm on the other side of it, giving but w a lot of judgement & like "you should be independent" vibes
i've received large gifts from my family that come w obligations; openly yes there are strings attached.... to sign paperwork, to attend meetings, to save money and pay the associated taxes, to be *in* for many decades of this stuff... it is net positive for us both and i don't…
maybe this is why gifts of money specifically give me anxiety.... i'm accustomed to there being strings in the form of tax obligations to pay months to years later