new plan, going through the book Is This Autism? and livetweeting my reactions / what does or doesn't fit https://x.com/ChristianityOn/status/2036920456687591628?s=20
introduction... the various descriptions of masking as exhausting and unnatural, and the focus on eye contact as a deliberate uncomfy thing rather than just part of social connectedness make me think i don't have this. i HATED the covid remote work switch, i feel so blind doing demos on voice calls relative to being in person where i have a whole stream of nonverbal feedback from each attendee even if they don't say anything.
like, i don't relate to this at all: "Not even my parents know that I will excuse myself to my room or the bathroom and cry and hit and scratch myself. I’ll bang my head on the wall and want to die over very simple interactions or events." that sounds awful and far more intense than my social anxiety and awkwardness at times.