introduction... the various descriptions of masking as exhausting and unnatural, and the focus on eye contact as a deliberate uncomfy thing rather than just part of social connectedness make me think i don't have this. i HATED the covid remote work switch, i feel so blind doing demos on voice calls relative to being in person where i have a whole stream of nonverbal feedback from each attendee even if they don't say anything.
like, i don't relate to this at all: "Not even my parents know that I will excuse myself to my room or the bathroom and cry and hit and scratch myself. I’ll bang my head on the wall and want to die over very simple interactions or events." that sounds awful and far more intense than my social anxiety and awkwardness at times.
ch 2 reciprocity: "I don’t like small talk. Does that make me autistic? No. Many people don’t enjoy small talk, which is different from a situation where even basic conversations are incredibly effortful and exhausting. Additionally, there are people who aren’t particularly socially skilled but are not autistic." i do actually like small talk and especially appreciate when it is done skillfully with warmth - i really admire and am grateful for the strangers who can make a small random interaction into a playful moment of connection.