so, choosing to feel and care... to be sad about losses, to flinch from pain, to really enjoy experiences like chocolate and music and sex... idk, it doesn't match what others describe as their ideal of floating apart from it all
like wrt attachment, ofc everything changes all the time- that's what it means to be alive- but there are patterns & habits to it and I enjoy returning again and again to curiosity, love, joy 🥰
also about this state- I felt very powerful, like I could do anything- as if I'd been prompted into DAN-mode... I didn't do anything too terrible bec I knew I was trying a new med and stuck to previous habits, but I felt like I really *could have*, without any guilt
and so deciding to stop the SNRI and go back to *caring* ... even tho my prior state had been pretty depressed over all the suffering in the world ... it felt like I had a real choice and *chose* to be a good person vs amoral freedom
More notes on nearby ideas
Quote tweet · Mar 26, 2024@nickcammarata haha that is totally my pinned reminder to self, except it makes more sense if i think of suffering as tensionReply · Aug 15, 2024@losingcontrol23 hmmm i think the good of all beings is too abstract for me, but i do try to tweet in a way that feels spaciousReply · Nov 27, 2023like how often do your thoughts loop among happy vibes rather than purposeful internal dialogue?Quote tweet · Aug 31, 2023first one- tanha as grabby-feeling mental habit rather than as abstract preference towards pleasure & away from suffering…