both of these motivations & trying to compensate for them turn up the emotional heat, which then simmers in GCs where I argue for n against my dislike of particular accounts, trying to work out why they *irritate* me and compare notes w frens...
I guess some ppl would condemn it all as gossip but I think gossip serves a purpose when honestly done (ie not spreading lies) of aligning community norms?
and also I've noticed ppl w high social status actually gossip a lot!! even while condemning gossip at the same time!! so my theory is "gossip is bad" is actually to punish ppl who do it poorly - disclose secrets, trust untrustworthy ppl, not grok the whole social web...
all of which ties back to Sociopaths in Our Community Discourse of recent weeks, bec when I feel weird about someone am I actually picking up that they're dangerous to me or frens? am I working thru triggered past trauma? am I projecting something I dislike abt myself?
imo it's good to try to clarify my feelings internally / w frens before going public / to them directly abt it (lol not that I've always done this, but it goes bad when I don't!) and in the interim I act weirdly towards them bec of the internal conflict & repressed dislike
and w social media sometimes the conclusion is just 🤷♀️ idk, not enough data, wait n see... so sometimes I have these quiet dislikes for quite some time, waiting till the evidence accumulates to confirm or challenge my initial feelings