thinking abt self-betrayal as a result of abuse... for me mostly not setting / enforcing boundaries and not expressing my true feelings.... but also remembering how i lied continuously abt the abuse to everyone around me from family to doctors to friends https://psych2go.net/7-signs-of-self-betrayal-in-relationships/
and keeping quiet and avoiding ppl who might ask questions... made all my other relationships worse and me more lonely and dependent... he eventually told me he'd filmed raping me, i was so ashamed the video existed and i didn't have control over it either- a reason i don't do selfies
and like, on one hand there's self-betrayal and on the other there's pushing ppl away or being overly reactive preemptively because scared of being pushed to the point of betraying myself, neither is good