and keeping quiet and avoiding ppl who might ask questions... made all my other relationships worse and me more lonely and dependent... he eventually told me he'd filmed raping me, i was so ashamed the video existed and i didn't have control over it either- a reason i don't do selfies
and like, on one hand there's self-betrayal and on the other there's pushing ppl away or being overly reactive preemptively because scared of being pushed to the point of betraying myself, neither is good
EmRes guy today brought up the fear of forgetting, or losing the protection of anxiety n overreaction, and said his process results in integration of the memories and appropriate caution, not forgetting and becoming naive again, and that addressing the fear is part of the process