it would be more comfortable if i felt more in control of my life and confident that i am doing what i need to be doing, planning what needs planning, so then my mind doesn't have this restless worry about unknowns & sense of ongoing failure
otoh when i was younger i was very neurotic & organized w to do lists i'd complete, but running on anxiety & caffeine i'd burn out and end up super depressed in bed for days feeling shame about dropping my obligations... having minimized obligations is better than that
but the past months of intentionally minimal planning have shown i'm not content w the limitations of that lifestyle and I'm living on savings it isn't sustainable